you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize