I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
