it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize