you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
