I think my fart just growled at me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
