The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize