hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
