this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
