New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
