Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
