Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
