last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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