we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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