I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
