How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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