so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
