Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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