Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
