apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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