Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
