I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
