at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
