Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
