I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need a burrito and a hug.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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