In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
