You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
