I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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