Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
