I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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