I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
