Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
