Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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