We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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