isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
