worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My feet surprised me
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