Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
