he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's shark week go big or go home
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
