You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
