He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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