WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
