you have to choose: penises or morals?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
