Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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