I want to stick my p in your. b.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
