Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
