oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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