Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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