whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
