I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize