after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
