so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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