Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
