haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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