she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
A bitchslap is in order.
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