weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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