If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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