whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
