Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
