Whod you bang
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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