these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
