At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
