so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
