So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
