I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
