I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
