You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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