so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize