Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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