i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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