at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
