so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
